God of Christmas
by hibi
Summary: Sango has a hectic christmas eve. in which she accidentally murders santa. now what's she gonna do?
1. H

Snow falls from the sky; the weather is cool. It is the scenic perfection of Christmas. All the houses are covered with lights; wreathes adorn the doors of many a festive house. Meanwhile Kikyou looks down from her flying sled. With her fuzzy hat askew on her head, she makes merry... with some Skyy.

"GROSS Kikyou," cries Rudolph as she burps.

"BASTOS," inserts the new reindeer from the Philippines. Kikyou raises the volume on the stereo and flicked the reins a few times. The chugging continued, as the bottle ran dry. The reindeer turn back to their path and press on.

Outside a small house, in rural Japan, a girl looked out onto the mountains. She held a bucket of water. After checking the temperature, she expertly poured the water onto the path that leads to her house. She then went back inside. Twenty meters from that spot, a pack of reindeer were slowing down. One had a very shiny nose. One could even say it glowed. As they trot along, Kikyou continued to tell bad jokes.

"Do... you know _why_ pirates are so pOpluLARR?"

"----"

"because they just a_rrrrrg_." Much giggling, somewhat one-sided, ensued. Kikyou then suddenly jerked to a stop, causing the reindeer to lurch back. She grabbed the sides of the sleigh, heaved, and spewed. But for some odd reason, it landed in a puddle. The water splashed, getting mud into her eyes. Kikyou, flailing, accidentally walked out of the sleigh, slipped on the mud puddle, and fell backwards. Her head hit the edge of the sled; she died upon impact. The reindeer stood shocked. A mud puddle had just killed Christmas.

Behind the door of the petite house, an imp plopped out of the girl. It patted her on the head and vanished. From the imp's point of view, a good nights work had been done and a very merry Christmas ensured. The girl on the other hand, was mighty confused. But once she realized she'd been sleep walking again, she began beating her head against the door_. Not again, not again_. When she was seven, she awoke to find her smelly hamster drowning in the toilet. Again when she was nine, the class bully was found tied to a pole on a rainy night, with her signature on his butt. When she was twelve... Thump, as her head met the door. _What is it._ Thump. _this time?_ Thump... The door swung open to reveal nine reindeer and a dead drunk. The girl grimaced. I am guessing that this is somehow my fault...


	2. I

"This happens every year we don't skip Japan, damn it!"

"But they put up so many lights..."

"It was about time we got rid of this Santa."

"_Prancer!_ You shouldn't say that!"

"Why do they always get like that anyway?" Commet turned his head and glanced at Kikyou, who was not a pretty sight.

"It's the elves! We put in cable and they all decided to grow up and become sexy. Then they go seduce Santa!"

"And they all become sex crazed!"

"Alcoholics!" bellowed Blitzen.

"But you know, that blonde that ties the ribbons, she's pretty hot."

"Cupid, that's sick. You know you guys aren't even sexually _compatible_."

"People, _people_, we got to get down to business. We need to dispose of the current Santa and call in for a newbie from the GAI." At the mention of the God's Apprentice Institute the bickering soon came to a close. The reindeer all nodded and proceeded to wriggle free from the harnesses. The first ones out grabbed Kikyou by the sleeves while the others began to open a portal.

"Make it into a volcano, I think she once said she wanted to be cremated." Prancer acknowledged and changed the destination; heat soon blasted out of a small opening. Three reindeer lugged Kikyou over and finally shoved her inside. Meanwhile, Rudolph finished making another portal to the GAI campus.

"Quick, before anyone sees us." As Rudolph climbed in after the rest and began closing it, he noticed an open door. _strange_.

The girl closed her eyes. A dead drunk in a Santa outfit... _Does that mean you need an ambulance?_ Reindeer that were pulling a sleigh... _Maybe I should call one of those wild animal crisis hotlines... yeah._ It never occurred to her to rouse her parents. Instead she walked inside without a second glance back in search of a phonebook. By the time she got out again, phone and phone book in hand, the reindeer and drunkard had left. The girl looked this way and that, searching, seeing only white... and a few brown spots. She dropped the items in her hands and crept out, her feet crying in pain at the cold. After a few steps, she reached the sleigh.

It was beautiful. As she traced her fingers along the side, she tried to depict the story illustrated. First came the picture of a girl, totally in the nude. Her gaze was up to the sky, and her head seemed to be empty. Stars were moving through it to express the arid emptiness within. It didn't seem like such a nice thing to suggest about a girl, but she was pretty enough to get by without a brain. Her fingers moved on. Then came a boy. He was in what seemed to be a thorn bush. The girl furrowed her eyebrows and rubbed the smudge off his face. When she lifted her thumb, she thought _what a cute little boy_. She smiled. Having an angel little brother made her biased. Then came a confusion of tornado like depictions, little stick men with pointy sticks, angry people, sad people, and lots of problems... then back to the girl. She was floating in the air, nearly transparent, crowning the little boy with a laurel wreath. The girl was thoroughly confused but still liked it anyway.

Next she jumped into the cart for clues. Evidence of drinking, and gizmos! She cautiously pushed a few random knobs and when a keyboard came out, she typed 'what the hell'. Something from the heart; when the machine actually reacted. A little drawer popped out to reveal a katana. She grinned at the oddity and carefully gripped it in her hands pretending to be her father. _What odd people_. When it began to pulse. She tried to let go, but her fingers wouldn't move. A voice began to speak inside her head and everything became dark.

_I, the Sword appointed to position 7004-LUK_ _fat pedophile more like it_

_Give unto this human, Sango, all my power and abilities to aid her in this perilous task of Christmas __bla bla bla, n00b better not piss me off like the last one_.

_What the hell? and don't you dare call me n00b!_

_ Ah, so they sent in someone slightly better than low. You have some skillz and an okay connection with the flow._

_No, no, no, I don't care about that. Tell me what's going on. Why is there another personality in my head! And why's it dark!_

_ You have been appointed guardian of Xmas, a.k.a. Santa. I help you along with the hard stuff like breaking and entering and you deliver goodies once a year. _

_That doesn't help. Let me clue you in. I live in the house that was right next to the sleigh. I accidentally, indirectly, killed this so called Santa. Came to investigate, pushed a few buttons, got you stuck to my hands, and now look what you've done. I'm in a dark hole! Sango started getting angry. _

_ WHAT? It's impossible! What are you talking about? The improbability of that happening has been calculated to a zero! It's like .000000001. And I've already gone through the whole ritual! Argh Argh. _

They both stared at each other(as well as one could in a dark pit). Now that the sword actually contacted the flow about it, it was right. This girl was clueless.

_How did you get past the barriers? Only people connected with the flow can get by. And know which buttons to push!_

_I don't know! What the hell is this FLOW?_

They both were getting a bit hysterical.

_It's... everything. You know Star Wars? It's kinda like the force, except it's being one with everything. You let go of who you are and submerge into everything else. _

The sword began to relax; this was stuff he knew.

_It's meditation to another level because people born with the gift can actually become apart of everything. People have it at different levels. If you are a higher level, you can move stuff cause it's like moving your body etc. etc. The greatest being, who we call God, would theoretically have to let go of everything that makes him him and that way become a universal spirit, in a sense. But we don't know anything about that cause none of us have reached that stage. _

The sword, glanced at the girl... or what could be called glancing. Both of them had calmed down.

_It's a bit more complex than that, but the GAI rounds up anyone with even the tiniest amount of flow and whisks them off to their academy. They have a whole society. You learn, then you get a job. Which, normal to us, might seem abnormal to you... like being Santa! It's a low paying job for the newly graduate, but you know... it's kinda fun... okay okay. Back to the topic. What I'm saying is that they take everybody with an ounce of flow. It's so they can have a lower class to scam off of and not feel too bad about it. So you would have been taken therefore not exist. But here you are. And now they know you exist cause it's gonna be in the records, so you're gonna have to be Santa. Cry, sob, tell me I've ruined your life, that you wanted to be an orthodontist, marry a rich dude..._

_I actually wanted to run a flower shop. But... Santa definitely sounds more interesting. _

_ Are you shittin' me? You're already resigned to it?_

She laughed. _It's cause I'm getting use to it, the whole surreal feeling of this place is helping too._

_ We could do a boarding school cover up, say hello to your parents once in awhile. Okay.. this could work. _

With everything taken care of, they were both starting to get pulled out of the darkness. So, while the world was brightening for Sango, the katana was putting all his emotions back into place. The whole affair had opened the floodgates and now he felt a little drained.

Sango felt light against her eyes opened her eyes to the mountain scenery of her hometown and felt a little sad; she'd be leaving it so soon. But she looked down at her new mentor, resting in her hands. The katana looked battered, but the snowflakes that swirled around them made everything so magical, it didn't matter.

_What am I going to call you sensei?_

_ Uh... Sirius. _

PUHAHAHA.

I totally changed it. but it still might be shitty. darn. the Sirius was for your benefit (joyrok)

uh... it might be boring because of all the ranting i did and the concept wasn't that well explained, and sango isn't really acting like sango. but in this story all her family members weren't murdered by her lil bro, so i though she'd be more happy go lucky. considering she's also connected with the _flow_ teehee.


	3. PEOPLE

"Damn bureaucracy!" muttered the red nose reindeer vehemently. Rudolph was angry. His hoofs smashed onto the majestic marble floors, repeatedly. They'd been standing for hours outside the main office and the line wasn't getting any shorter. There were still dwarves, centaurs, elves, hell's minions... and ,he shuddered, werewolves. Rudolph's shoulders kept on shaking. But it wasn't because of the werewolves anymore. He searched wildly for the others. It was happening to them too. His mind was in total confusion; it wasn't supposed to happen now. A new Santa couldn't have possibly been chosen! But no matter how unfathomable, his front legs did bend and all seven reindeer bowed to their new master; who was not present at the moment. The dwarves snickered, leaning against their axes. They knew somebody had fucked up.

North Pole reindeer, however, had some dignity to uphold. They got up stately and politely said farewell to their line companions. Afterwards, they quickly fled to the North Pole by portal. When they arrived at the front gates of Christmas heaven they all stared at each other.

"Do you think they noticed?"

"Of course they did! Did you see their faces?"

"But I hope not. Christmas is loosing enough credibility as it is."

"What was that anyway?"

"I don't care, obviously _somebody_ has taken care of the problem for us."

"What about the presents?"

"They were all brats this year anyway."

"..the sleigh?"

"Old man's on it. He can carry his fat ass himself, for once," retorted Rudolph. He was still angry about having to bow. His bloodline had pride to carry and he would not take any offence lightly. Yes, he was a jerk at times. But he had a red nose.. They all sighed and followed him. No one could deny that they didn't want the warmth of their stall. So they trudged inside. They would get some answers tomorrow.

Sango slowly woke up. The sun was filtering through her window, slowly, peacefully. Sango jerked upright. She recounted the events of yesterday and quickly glanced around for Sirius. He was on the floor next to the bed, but there was something unexpected too. A ghostly form of a dog rested on top of him. She silently slipped out of bed, and knelt next to the dog. Her hand reached cautiously for Sirius' hilt. Lightly holding it in her hand, she shook him.

_Wake up, There's a ghost!_

_Wha? Wha?_

The dog opened an eye and glared at her

_Stop that. It's me, I wanted to stretch a bit._

_oh._

Sirius growled, and closed his eyes again. _Go, shoo. Enjoy Christmas while you can_. A faint paw waved her away and she took the hint.

The morning was spent in the festive opening of the few presents. Her parents didn't really go for the gift giving; but they still enjoyed having a fake tree in their living room. Kohaku was pleased anyway. He got a fishing rod the boy has odd hobbies. I got a gun. Dad heartily explained that since I didn't seem to be proficient with the sword, a projectile weapon might be more to my liking. She sighed, one of these days her Dad was going to get her into big trouble.

Breakfast was eaten and the tree honored. By midday, the household activity had reached a lull. When, a faint knocking was heard at the door. Sango's mother went to open it and soon a very well dressed woman walked in. Sango looked up from her book, her interest had roused when she heard _another_ soft thump. It was coming from the stairs. Craning her head she caught a glimpse of what looked like Sirius the dog coming down the stairs, the katakana dragging behind him. He stopped at the last stair and nudged his head toward the living room. He then nodded once.

_She's your professional liar. Called her from the GIA yesterday. _

Sango nodded back. The book flopped back onto the sofa as she began to climb off the couch. Her mother burst into the room.

"Honey, I'm so proud of you! A lady from that prestigious boarding school in the city said you got in! All expenses paid too. Oh, mummy's so happy." She then began squeezing the innards out of her daughter. The rest of the family soon trailed in. Kohaku looked sympathetic, but dad looked miffed. He wouldn't be able to further her knowledge of lethal violence if she was away... at some _school_! But it seemed like it was going to happen anyway. Her mother was muttering about packing for her right away since she had to leave soon. Sango glanced at her innocent brother, crazy father, and then at her cute blubbering mother. And she hugged all of them, starting with who was closest. She felt guilty lying to them and insecure about leaving the warm consistency of her home, but she told Sirius she'd be Santa, and she wasn't going to back out.

Twenty minutes later, Sango was outside her house with a duffle bag in hand. Her dad lifted it into the trunk of the woman's car and they had one more round of farewells. But the car door soon clicked behind her and the mountain scenery was soon left behind.

A/N: akka. i was so shocked that i got a review that i was persuaded to write another chapter. --;; too bad it was hard to write this one. maybe it isn't late enough, maybe i need to have more things to be procrastinating about?


	4. G

a/n: i'm gonna use these 'as thoughts' instead of _these_ because those are way annoying. sry this ch. really short. still thinking about the direction, since i got her this far.

Meanwhile, at the youkai palace, things were in festive bloom. Not but three hours ago a new guild master had been chosen. The normally gloomy demon stewpot was chalked full of exuberant fairies, jubilant dwarves and ebullient dragons. Sesshomaru, had been asked to step down from power. A new master had been chosen, a William Claymore, valedictorian of his class at the GAI. His smile made angel's swoon and all but Jaken, was pleased to be under the new rule.

"This is unheard of, Sesshomaru-sama," he muttered. Sesshomaru was packing up his room, gliding across his spacious quarters. Jaken was dutifully scampering after his every move. "The GAI have no business picking our rulers! Those insolent fools, how dare they insult the demon king! Coming in with their rules, laws! There are no laws in the Other World. The strong survive and the weak are insignificant, that is the natural way. Pretending to be wise, those.."

"Jaken, leave me." Sesshomaru spared Jaken a brief glare.

"Yes, yes Sesshomaru-sama."

The door clicked lightly behind him. Sesshomaru _then_ grabbed a pillow and unleashed his anger. Feathers exploded everywhere. He hated being ordered about, he hated people with superior attitudes. Only he should be able to do or be those things; and that new leader, incompetent. The bickering and greedy neediness of all the magical creatures in the world will rip him apart. That insolent human will be eaten alive, just what he deserved. The GAI should not have underestimated them. Other world creatures were insufferable. He was about to move his face into a grin when he stopped, space was stretching and he could feel a presence nudge itself in. He stalked over to the far wall, and leaned back.

'Hello, Naraku.' Light laughter greeted his ears as the presence slipped away from the wall, solidifying beside him.

'I heard you've been demoted.'

'You would know.'

'Not my doing.'

'And what about my ridiculous exile?'

'Ahh, I might have contributed to that. So sorry, couldn't help it. They need some help anyway, killed off their last one. Well, Merry Christmas Sho-kun. I do love our chats.' Naraku snickered as he whisked away. He was a busy man and only dropped by to irritate. Sesshomaru sauntered over to his bag. It carried little and before Jaken could catch him he transported away.

From her view out the back window, the familiar countryside stopped its retreat. The car had halted.

"Great to see you, good luck, and until later, okay?" The woman smiled as she flicked her hands a few times. The trunk spit out the bags, the car doors opened and girl and sword were left in the dust.

'Do they always do that?'

'Yeah, it's in the guidelines.' Sango bent over to pick up her bag. As she turned back to her companion, he was in the process of climbing into a dark circle.

'Come on, I can't hold it up forever'.

She climbed in. In seconds they were surrounded by snow. Freezing cold snow. Sango stuffed her numb hand into the bag and rummaged. Her hand was still in the bag as she stumbled after Sirius. He seemed to have a destination in mind. After they scrambled up a small bump, a hazy structure was visible. As they got closer, it appeared to be a huge fortress. It wasn't very festive either. No candy canes, no snowmen. In fact, it had a moat. When they were on the bridge, Sirius let out a grunt like yell. A spectacular dome enveloped them and the looming fortress; the cold had been shut out. He looked back at her and wagged his tail, tongue idiotically hanging out, one last friendly reassurance before he went through the door.


End file.
